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Top 20 Jokes at the Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhoff


Seth Macfarlane and David Hasselhoff at the Roast of David Hasselhoff

Roastmaster Seth Macfarlane shares a moment with guest of honor David Hasselhoff during the Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhoff.

Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images
Comedy Central aired the Roast of David Hasselhoff on August 15, 2010, featuring appearances by comedians Lisa Lampanelli, Whitney Cummings, Greg Giraldo, Jeffrey Ross and more. Though the insults were fast and furious, there were some that stood out above the rest. Here's a rundown of the 20 best one-liners (not ranked by quality) heard at the roast. (Several of the jokes were pretty racy, so those of you who are easily offended may not want to read on.)
  1. "It's amazing: Pamela Anderson and Lisa Lampanelli in the same room. The most and least downloaded woman on the internet together in the same room." (Seth Macfarlane)
  2. "It's no coincidence George Hamilton loves the sun. They were born in the same year. The difference is the sun is actually a star." (Lisa Lampanelli)
  3. "Whitney Cummings, how I would make sweet love to you. But, alas, I'm just an old man with perfect vision. And I suspect you might be, too." (George Hamilton)
  4. (To Family Guy creator Seth Macfarlane) "Seth, by the way, South Park called. They want their everything back." (Jeffrey Ross)
  5. "It's kind of ironic that you made millions playing a lifeguard, because every night you drown in your own sorrows." (Jeffrey Ross)
  6. (To Hulk Hogan) "Hulk, later on when these jokes are explained to you, you're gonna be so pissed." (Seth Macfarlane)
  7. "Do I have to say this?" (Hulk Hogan)
  8. "Seriously, Hoff, doesn't it bother you that your career is in the same toilet that Lisa (Lampanelli) drinks out of?" (Hulk Hogan)
  9. "Oh, David. I know you're in pain. I know what you're going through. Except when they roasted me, I was relevant." (Pamela Anderson)
  10. "How can we possibly do a roast without Jeffrey Ross? No, seriously. How can we do a roast without Jeffrey Ross." (Pamela Anderson)
  11. (On Seth Macfarlane) "It's got to be difficult for him to do a roast, especially because The Simpsons haven't done it yet." (Gilbert Gottfried)
  12. "David Hasselhoff walks into a bar...every morning, and then he stays there until it closes." (Gilbert Gottfried)
  13. (To the former female stars of Baywatch in the audience) "I'm not very good looking, but I'm rich as shit." (Jerry Springer)
  14. "David Hasselhoff, George Hamilton, Hulk Hogan...I think if we've learned anything tonight, it's that self-tanner causes you to fail in the entertainment business." (Whitney Cummings)
  15. "Pam, you've slept with Bret Michaels, Tommy Lee and Kid Rock. Why don't you just save yourself some time and drink a vat of Magic Johnson's blood?" (Whitney Cummings)
  16. (To Seth Macfarlane) "You made all your money because you created a f*cked up, criminal baby. You're like Michael Lohan." (Greg Giraldo)
  17. "George Hamilton, you're like a walking tumor. Not exactly. It's a big deal when you spot a tumor." (Greg Giraldo)
  18. (To David Hasselhoff) "You had a car that started when you talked to it. Now you have a car that won't start when you blow into it." (Greg Giraldo)
  19. (To David Hasselhoff) "Your liver is so shriveled, black and dead, if you put your ear to your side you can hear it go 'Watchoo talkin' about, Willis?'" (Greg Giraldo)
  20. "Look at what we got up here, huh? Jerry Springer, Hulk Hogan, George Hamilton and Gilbert Gottfried. I mean, if a bomb were to hit the stage tonight, the world would lose a bomb." (David Hasselhoff)
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