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The Top 20 Jokes at the Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump

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Anthony Jeselnik at the Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump

Comedian Anthony Jeselnik fires shots at his fellow roasters during the Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump, recorded in New York City on March 9, 2011.

Photo by Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images

Comedy Central aired the Roast of Donald Trump on March 15, 2011, featuring appearances by comedians Whitney Cummings, Jeffrey Ross, Lisa Lampanelli and more. Though the insults were fast and furious, there were some that stood out above the rest. Here's a rundown of the 20 best one-liners (not ranked by quality) heard at the roast.

(Several of the jokes were pretty racy, so those of you who are easily offended may not want to read on.)

  1. "Recently, the roast lost a very talented and beloved performer, and it would be wrong not to acknowledge him and say how much he'll be missed. Larry King died 10 minutes ago." - Seth Macfarlane
  2. "My good friend Snoop Dogg said that Jeff's (Ross) book was unreadable, but that's because Snoop can't read." (Larry King)
  3. "Look at Marlee (Matlin), sitting up there like she's normal." (Lisa Lampanelli)
  4. "Making fun of Larry King for being old is like making fun of Marlee Matlin for being deaf: it's fun." (Anthony Jeselnik)
  5. (To Trump) "You got Melania a huge, 12-carat diamond engagement ring. You should not have gotten her a diamond. Now she knows what hard is supposed to feel like." (Whitney Cummings)
  6. "When Trump bangs a supermodel, he closes his eyes and imagines he's jerking off." (Seth Macfarlane)
  7. "It's been a rough year for comedy. Not only did the world lose Greg Giraldo, but, even worse, it kept Jeff Ross." (Anthony Jeselnik)
  8. (To Donald Trump) "Are you having a good time? All right, well, tell your face." (Jeffrey Ross)
  9. (To Trump) "You've put up more worthless hotels than an autistic kid playing Monopoly." (Lisa Lampanelli)
  10. "I guess I'm the perfect choice for this roast, because like "The Situation," I, too, have never heard the sound of laughter." (Marlee Matlin)
  11. (On Whitney Cummings) "She's got the body of a crack whore, but she's got the razor-sharp wit of a crack whore." (Seth Macfarlane)
  12. "I like Jeff (Ross), because he'll do anything to get a laugh. Except say something funny." (Snoop Dogg)
  13. (To Donald Trump) "You've ruined more models' lives than bulimia. You've disappointed more women than Sex and the City 2."(Lisa Lampanelli)
  14. "I love Larry (King). He recently quit his show. He plans on spending his retirement opening a jar." (Jeffrey Ross)
  15. "I don't even know where to start. I guess I'll start with Larry King, because, I don't know...tick tock." (Whitney Cummings)
  16. "Look at this dais: you've got a pimp, a murderer, a drug dealer, a pornographer and then eight white people." (Anthony Jeselnik)
  17. "Trump says he wants to run for President. Why not? It wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home." (Snoop Dogg)
  18. (To Donald Trump) "You've got a great sense of humor. You've been so happy to embarrass yourself on Saturday Night Live and in the casino business." (Anthony Jeselnik)
  19. "This is a big milestone for "The Situation," because tonight marks the beginning of his fifteenth minute of fame." (Seth Macfarlane)
  20. "Lisa Lampanelli...you're cool." (Anthony Jeselnik)
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